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Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Deadpool Takes Over Colbert’s Monologue to Make Trump Jokes: ‘We All Know Trump Prefers His Leaks in Russian Hotel Rooms’ (Video)

On “The Late Show” Tuesday night, Stephen Colbert had a surprise visitor: Ryan Reynolds in character as Deadpool. During his monologue, Colbert was wondering aloud when audiences would get sick of superhero movies when Reynolds’ voice drifted in from offstage suggesting that “Deadpool 2,” which is out on Friday, could be the breaking point.

Then Deadpool himself walked out on the stage and the two bantered for a bit before Deadpool took over Colbert’s monologue completely to make fun of Donald Trump.

Below you can read the full transcript of the whole thing — it’s better that way than because I’m not as funny as they are. You also can watch Deadpool’s appearance on “The Late Show” in the video embedded above.

Colbert: “There are so many superhero movies this year. Besides ‘Avengers: Infinity War,’ we’ve already had ‘Black Panther,’ and pretty soon there’ll be ‘Ant-Man and the Wasp’ and ‘Aquaman’ and ‘Venom’ — I mean, at what point will audiences say, ‘enough with the superheroes’?”

Deadpool: [walking in from offstage] “Is it ‘Deadpool 2’? I bet it’s ‘Deadpool 2.’ “

Colbert: “What! What! Well. Look at that! Deadpool? Holy cow! Deadpool, star of the movie ‘Deadpool.’ “

Deadpool: “Please guys, no one stand up. Its CBS. I know how old your audience is.”

Colbert: “Well, Wade — may I call you Wade?”

Deadpool: “Absolutely.”

Colbert: “Wade, I’m in the middle of my monologue right here. You do realize I’m doing a show right now?”

Deadpool: “Don’t be disgusting, Stephen. This is a great opportunity for me to promote my new movie, ‘Deadpool 2,’ in theaters Friday. And, yes, I would love to be your guest tonight. Thank you for asking.”

Colbert: “Well, obviously, that would be lovely, but I already have a guest. It’s Academy Award-winner Jamie Foxx.”

Deadpool: “I see. Well, he’s got boyish charm for days. I, for one, loved his work in ‘Back to the Future.’ “

Colbert: “That’s– that’s a– that’s a different Fox.”

Deadpool: “I’ll be the judge of that. I’ll tell you who should not be on your show: Ryan Reynolds. Huge a–hole. He’s like the poor man’s version of Ryan Reynolds. And like the rich man’s version of my most recent turd.”

Colbert: “Okay, I think you should go now.”

Deadpool: “You’re absolutely right. You’re absolutely right, Jimmy. I should go. I should go ahead and read the rest of your monologue.”

Colbert: “Oh, really? You think you could do this, both stand and read jokes? You know, in our own way, we late night hosts are basically superheroes.”

Deadpool: “Because you’re all mostly white men? Come on, come on, give me those glasses. Let’s go.”

Colbert: “Be careful with those.”

Deadpool: “Let’s do this.”

Colbert: “All right.”

Deadpool: [puts on Colbert’s glasses] “Hello! I’m Stephen Colbert, and I’m legally blind. [hands glasses back] You know, you’re not going to believe this, but Donald Trump is in the news. The administration is still dealing with the fallout from trump announcing that the U.S. will be pulling out of the Iran deal. It’s Trump’s biggest pulling out blunder since Eric. And President Trump spent the day complaining on Twitter about leaks inside the White House, because we all know Trump prefers his leaks in Russian hotel rooms. You get it, Stephen? Because the president watched two Russian prostitutes urinate on a hotel mattress.”

Colbert: “Allegedly.”

Deadpool: “Right, right, allegedly. Could’ve been three prostitutes.”

Colbert: “We get the idea.”

Deadpool: “We’ve got a great one for you tonight, folks!”

Colbert: “When I come back, more monologue.”

Deadpool: “Oh, how tantalizingly vague.”

Colbert: “And ‘Back to the Future’s’ Jamie Foxx is here.”

Deadpool: “And thank god Mr. Blake Lively is not. Oh god, I don’t feel well. [Deadpool starts to fade from existence, ‘Infinity War’-style] Oh, what the f—! Thanos? You don’t have the budget for this, Colbert!”

Related stories from TheWrap:

Colbert: Trump Is Close to ‘Global Crisis Bingo’ After Opening U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem (Video)

Seth Meyers: Trump Drained the Swamp by Replacing ‘Corrupt Washington Politics’ With ‘Corrupt New York Politics’ (Video)

‘SNL’ Weekend Update Host Michael Che: The Only Part of the Iran Nuclear Deal Trump Read Was Obama’s Signature

Colbert Unleashes Dead-On Eric Trump Impression: ‘They Gave Me a Very Important Role Handing Out Bumper Stickers’ (Video)

Source: The Wrap

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